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#30: If you have the opportunity, sell out
Integrity and success have had a tense relationship ever since a fiddle player sold his soul to the devil in exchange for popularity, and all of the fiddler’s fans started complaining that his new...
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#31: Be Prepared for a Disaster
Being fatalistic is a safe bet, because while your attitude may be proven wrong in the short term, eventually, you’re going to die, and you’ll have been right. Plus, if your attitude is right in the...
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#32: Have a side gig
If you’re successful, it goes without saying that you have an intellectually and fiscally satisfying career that brings meaning and joy to your existence and also offers a lot of arbitrary perks, like...
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Lessons We’ll Never Learn from U.S. History: Conspiracy Theories are Too Good...
Participating in a conspiracy theory offers the chance make a sweeping judgement call based largely on a hunch, all while being a part of a community that thinks it’s smarter than the rest of us...
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The FULC Holiday Gift Guide: Part 1
The holiday season is that special time of the year when you buy presents for your loved ones on the basis of their relative monetary worth, and you receive presents from them that, God willing, are in...
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The FULC Holiday Gift Guide: Part 2
Yesterday’s FULC Holiday Gift Guide covered all the easy targets – friends, co-workers, room mates. People you like, but, when push comes to shove, who you would definitely betray to save yourself, or...
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#32: Be Shamelessly Self-Promotional
In the early days of humanity, humility was a virtue for evolutionary reasons. If you bragged about your success in hunting or growing crops, there was a solid chance someone would realize you had more...
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#33: Take a Mysterious Leave of Absence
If you’ve learned one thing from binge-watching episode after episode of “Mad Men,” it’s that you should probably start smoking. I mean, ironically at first, as with fedoras and sideburns, but then,...
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#34: Recognize your flaws that you may better hide them
One of the dangers of being successful, aside from increased risk of gout, is that it can be very blinding (both metaphorically, and as a result of gout). Success, after all, once achieved, is not...
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#35: Always Win the Breakup
Like battles or competitive sporting events, relationships can be won or lost. If you’re in a relationship, you can win at it by always being the person who’s right in the relationship (that’s marriage...
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